I (Bob) went to a good school as a young boy and seemed to know the Bible was true, but sadly instead of responding, I let my ‘troubles’ get the better of me. Although outwardly I could make friends, on the inside I felt lonely. My parents felt distant, and away at school, I became involved with another boy for a while before I really even knew what I was doing. I continued to battle these feelings. As a teenager, I hated the way I was made, and I compounded it all by escaping into arcades, alcohol and immorality. I was a ‘rebel without a clue’.
The Lord was gracious and merciful to me. Somehow, I survived the years of blackouts, waking up in beach huts or railway stations, and generally letting everyone down and wasting the many opportunities I was given. In the Lord’s providence, in my mid-twenties, I stumbled across Alcoholics Anonymous. Finally, I was able to stop drinking, but the concept of a ‘Higher Power’ or ‘God as you understand him’ didn’t make much sense to me.
I met Lisa around this time and my life improved a little more outwardly. We seemed made for each other but were beset with all sorts of problems, hanging on to each other more than anything. Wanting to know the truth and to be right with God, a God who was real and who I could put my trust in and rely upon, I rang the bell of the local Baptist church. I attended on and off for about a year, but a turning point was when Lisa fell pregnant. She wanted to have the baby christened “because everyone does” which I questioned because she did not believe in God. Drawing on my little knowledge I told her about dedications at the Baptist Church. She agreed to come – and later asked me why I’d never taken her before!
I believed what I heard on the Alpha Course, and on the ‘away day’ I committed my life to the Lord. Whether I was truly saved at this point is debatable, but the Lord certainly had His hand on my shoulder. Progress was negligible and we both went to see secular and Christian counsellors. Eventually, I discovered (the Lord showed me!) Reformed theology and it was my turn to ask why no one had told me about these things before! There was a deeper repentance – or sorrow over my sin – but despite learning good doctrine and serving the Lord as much as I could, the truth is that much of what I learnt had still not really made
the journey from head to heart.
A pastor friend who I confided that I still struggled with sin and had a ‘chip on my shoulder’ has been such a blessing to me over the last 5 years. He has helped me to truly know in my heart that I am a child of God and to know deep down how gracious He has been with me and how that works out in my relationships with others. I’ve discovered the reality of being adopted into God’s family, all through the life, death and resurrection of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
I (Lisa) also grew up in a non-Christian family. At age 3 I was sexually abused by an uncle for about 3 months. At age 5 my brother took me to a local church about a mile from where we lived. We only went a few times, but I remember liking it, although not the part about God being everywhere and seeing everything I did. Then at age 15 my father sexually abused me, just before my parents divorced.
Unsurprisingly I grew up feeling unloved and unprotected. My mum did her best to make me feel loved, but I developed an unhealthy way of coping, even though outwardly I functioned well, got good jobs, and was always cheerful. My first husband ‘treated mean to keep me keen’ and I stayed unhappily with him until I met Bob in 1994 and fell in love. We got married in 1997 at Gretna Green.
As Bob says, I was overwhelmed by the experience at the Baptist church. I felt comfortable and excited like I had found something I was missing. Bob did an Alpha course and came home and when he told me we’d be going to different places when we died, I signed up for the next course. I was angry with God for everything that had happened to me but came to realise that it was a fallen man who was responsible. I had always believed that Jesus was the Son of God, but although I didn’t feel ready – rightly or wrongly at the time – we were baptised together in March 1998.
In my heart, I felt part of God’s family and desperately wanted to please Him. I changed a lot of my ways, and felt conscious of God watching, but could not stop my habitual sin. The Christian counsellor Bob mentions helped me to understand how much God loved me and challenged me about my sin – but it has proved an ongoing battle.
We have learned that God is in control and trustworthy and that He uses the hard times to teach us and help us grow, not simply to punish us, a vital truth for those of us who grow up with few boundaries and much insecurity.
I am still excited about getting to know my Heavenly Father better, who with the power of His Holy Spirit will help me continue to shed my sinful habits and become more like my Saviour who died for me and who gave me new life.
